Friday, January 27, 2012

perfect way to ruin my night.

So tonight was the band and orchestra pizza and movie night. Supposed to be fun right? Well it was actually pretty fun. A bunch of my friends came and we had a good time, laughed a whole lot, and watched an awesome movie (Rio). And I had had a pretty good day too, considering how the past week or so has gone. So the movie ended and it was time to go home. My dad was supposed to pick me up. It was me and a few other people left and a car that looked like my moms pulled up. I was a bit confused because my dad was supposed to pick me up and it was also dark so I couldn't see who was in the car. So I texted both of my parents asking them if they were there. My mom said my dad was supposed to pick me up and my dad said that he was there so I went out and he took me home. When we got home my mom opened the door and was just like "oh you took my car, I didn't know you were going to take my car" then she was saying how like it should have been obvious what was going to happen and it was supposed to be clear but next time we would have to get it in writing to make sure everyone understands. Then I tried explaining to my mom that it was dark and I couldn't see who was in the car so I just texted both of them and that it was no big deal. Then she was just like "oh it's not your fault" and she said it like it was my dad's fault or something even though he didn't do anything. Then my mom went upstairs all moody and my dad was just muttering stuff like "all I did was answer the damn text" then he left. It was horrible. So know I'm sitting here feeling like everything is my fault and trying not to cry. My parents told me last spring, like May or something, that they were getting divorced. I sorta knew that it was going to happen for a while but it still hurt, a lot. And now it's January and my dad is trying to find a decent job so that he can find a place to live but meanwhile he is staying in the guest room. Sometimes it's nice to still have him here but it's horrible when they fight. And sometimes I just feel like it's all my fault, the fights, the divorce, everything. And it sucks. Right now I just feel like running. I just want to walk out the front door and start running. Just run where ever my feet take me. Just run away from the drama, my life, everything. Just run somewhere else and start my life new, a clean blank sheet. And sometimes I wonder if I were to just walk out the door and leave, who would actually care and who would just forget about me. So that's my night so far.......extremely suckish.

The two songs I'm listening to on repeat until I calm down:

Storm- S.J. Tucker
Carousel- S.J. Tucker


  1. You're feet are always welcome to run here when needed. <3 Love you.

  2. Hey girl. I know I'm not following. but I thought I would come check your blog out since your following me ;)
    I want to encourage you to know that it isn't your fault. It isn't your fault your parents are this way. That is a lie and you don't need to believe it. I know the pain though. i've gone through it. And it's painful... But remember that in this pain God has a plan. He made you. He loves you more than you know! He made you for a reason! Not just to give you a hard life. He made you for a beautiful purpose. He cares so much about you, though sometimes it might not feel like it. So when your feeling alone know that God is seriously there. Weeping with you. He knows the pain. And He has a beautiful plan in all this. When I went through, just a few years ago, what you're going through I didn't think it was possible God had a plan in it. But now I know I was wrong. God has shown me so much. He has brought me so close to Himself. He showed me that through it He has made an end to the pain through His beautiful healing. And I know He has a plan for you. Don't turn your back on it. Remember that no matter what happens God calls you His child. Run to Him in the trouble. He is the only one who will fill the pain with love. Hannah, if you have any questions or would just like to talk please free to email me at I would love to talk with you. I will be praying for you Hannah.
    Remember, God is there.

    A Servant 4 Christ,

    1. Hey. I just saw your comment. Thanks for all that! It helped a lot and I'm feeling better now(: It is hard sometimes but I know that it will all be okay in the end. That means a lot to me that people care. Thankyou!

  3. Hey Hannah. I'm glad I've helped. I know the pain and it is good to always remember God has a plan. I have been writing songs lately. I put some song lyrics on my blog. They kinda go along with this post. Go check it out ;)
    God bless!

  4. Hey. That's really cool that you've been writing songs. I've started writing songs lately and it helps(: