I've Been Better

Ughh so I don't know why but it's just like last week and this week have been just depressing and overly blahh. On Tuesday I got a chance to actually be home alone and have a good long cry. I was texting two of my best friends and there is just like so much drama. Right now I just need to make a hate list:

I hate when people ask me a question then when I go to answer they ignore me like I'm not there.

I hate when people think they know what I'm feeling when in all actuality, they don't.

I hate when people are talking about how happy they are and I'm not even happy myself but then I have to be happy for them, or at least I'm expected to be happy for them.

I hate my birthday.

I hate being jealous.

I hate firsts and lasts. (I'll explain those in another post)

I hate when people don't listen to you even though you have something a lot more important to say then what they are talking about.

I hate feeling second best to anyone. Like "oh one of the popular snobby people can't hang out today so I guess I'll have to hang out with you instead" or at least that's how I see it in my mind.

I hate not being happy.

I hate crying late at night then having to wake up early the next morning, go to school, and act like everything is perfectly fine.

I hate when people pretend your not even there or ignore you for no reason.

As you can tell I hate a lot of things. One of my best friends and I were talking and we were just like "what if one day we actually acted like how we felt?" We figured we would probably be the meanest, grumpiest people ever. I wish I had the courage to stand up to people, like teachers. Gosh I was getting really annoyed at my homeroom teacher the other day so I was coming up with a whole long list of things I would say to him if I ever got up the nerve to, which I wont, because if I did I would probably be written up or something because they aren't exactly the prettiest things to say. The last week and a half have been really stressful and emotional for no reason at all that I can think of. One good thing (the only good thing) that was caused by all this is the fact that I have like four new songs to write music too. Ohh also my friend asked this guy who I like if he was going with anyone to farewell (the end of year dance) and he said that he hadn't asked anyone yet. Then she asked if he would go with me and he said maybe. Now I don't know if I want to go with him or not because I feel like its just like "yeah I'll go with you if I can't find anyone better to go with." That's sorta how I interpreted it but oh well.  So the past week if you would have asked me how I was and I had answered truthfully I guess my answer would have been "I've been better." Anyway well I'm to drained to post any more tonight but I'll try to post tomorrow. Night all!